i am realizing, in perusing old writings, videos, songs and such...what it was that must have been so unfavorable about myself in the past. im realizing the areas where i might have pushed peoples buttons, the places where i didn't know how to listen well enough. it's enough to make me feel pretty guilty for ways i have acted in the past. i really really have spent a good lot of time and energy in trying to hard to be liked. in the process i have ended up not always liking myself so much, and probably being liked less by others. all of this truth is hard to stomach at once.
the good part of this procedure is...now i can use the holes in my former armor to construct a stronger definition of who i am coming to be now. the venture, the journey for ones self is no easy walk thru the park. this, i know. but it sure is interesting to come face to face with the mirror...past, present and future....and finally take honest stock of what was and what is, and how i'd like to shape what is yet to be.
there have been a handful of times in these last few weeks where i've thought to myself "i just want my old life back"...and now i know thats no longer true. if anything, i just want to be who i'm becoming already. i wish the finding myself process would hurry up a little. but we can't play with time. time can only play with us.
(adendum: a few hours after i posted this blog and sobbed a little about it to my soul-sis-diana, i got a message from a girl i've known since she was ten or younger. she just wanted to tell me how much of an inspiration i'd been for her and how much she appreciated me. HUMBLING! omg. this was proof to me of the yin and yang of the daily grind. also, diana reminded me "see! you cant throw out all the things about the old you, coz some of it helped other people!" so true. bless.)
i've a lot to be thankful for. i sure am glad to be seeing things clearly. its painful. but real. thank goodness, too, for sleepy cats on the orange chair, roses from sweethearts, and rainbow soul sisters. im ready for fall. to turn over many a new leaf.
lately i've been taking more steps off to myself
a few important type things:
1) i tweet!
(twitter.com/isleofscribe)
2) I tweet funeral karaoke ideas!
(twitter.com/funeral_karaoke)
3) i youtube.
(youtube.com/theloveprojectshow)
4) i facebook
skye zentz
Create Your Badge
5) i sixtyone
(thesixtyone/skyezentz)
-sir kanye west
preface:
the cereal box is on the table and so is the castile soap.
still living out of a suitcase for this being of time.
tabitha is a sweet kitty who talks.
sometimes we talk like folks who've known each other farrr longer than we actually have.
the recipe is new so you can tweak it.
i've never had this much communication with mars, as mars with venus.
who am i some days?
i'm taking stock of the number of times i use the word maybe in my writing.
sometimes i feel like it's overuse would have me appear more indecisive than i am realistically.
holy crap, i haven't written since i landed.
almost a month of keeping too busy to put my pen to work.
enough, i suppose.
time is on our side but it still keeps on ticking ticking ticking.
we'll be moving in to the pink room come sunday.
reinvention has been a running theme in my life.
nothing new there.
i do love this man like i love orange juice.
he is so good.
for. to. with. beside.
sometimes i get nervous that he wont understand my language
then i realize that at 1 AM, i can hardly understand my own eyelids
let alone what my mouth is saying.
i don't think that life is supposed to be simple.
i think it's supposed to be a bit of a pain in the ass from time to time
to make you appreciate the lovely moments with a fuller grasp
to make you hold your smiles and laughter out
longer
wider
till its all a big echo of the worlds guffaws
and the world wets their proverbial pair of pants.
(summary- norfolk is really good. life is really a challenge. things are really happening and its great to be alive)
....erm...yea i don't know what that means but HEY
its springtime, kiddies. and its time for another installment of:
its 1 in the morning, my boyfriends in the rest room and im blogging because i can
in short- the updates go a little something like this-
new album, moving back to va, drinking a lot of grapefruit juice and having big talks,
getting excited, making good dinners, dealin with stressers, watching lord of the rings,
laughing, boxes of beer, blown out shoes (the brown croc's finally kicked it...),
himalayan fair, cheeseboard pizza, lovin' lovin' lovin',
va on the brain...
more love
its only the beginning but the general feeling is
I Have So Much To Look Forward To and SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
california, you have really helped me grow. thank you for all of it. and whatever else we do together in the future.
sincerrely,
your little bitty big bird,
skye
the tricky part of being open is that it means all your rough edges are on display, that you've made yourself available to be leered at, and you're welcoming the glares, judgements and potential misconceptions with wide arms knowing that the truth is in the soul of your smile.
i am great at run-on sentences.
i am also joyfully unemployed.
may is a big month of getting things sorted. watching the boys again on a regular basis. supporting their growth and their creative process. being paid on more than one level to do so.
at the end of the month i box my items (the ones i am keeping) and put them on display in the gallery de gabriel, blue light studios...until at least the end of july.
this summer is a huge chunk of fruit i cant wait to bite.
it has seeds but i am allowed to digest them.
vox is still my blogging habitat, however infrequently i may update it.
twitter is now a home for my links and musings as well. (twitter.com/isleofscribe)
i am ready to wear spring sundresses and dance in virginia heat.
limeade is returning to my table of regularly consumed beverages in june.
don't call it a comeback!
so, first off; i know the naysayers will wag a finger at me for writing a blog about john mayer in the first place...seeing as how i'm in a stellar relationship, am currently in the process of quitting my job and planning my summer vacation you would THINK i'd have better and more mind expansive things to virtually blab about...
but not tonight, folks.
tonight i am falling in love with a song that is about two years older than this post...and one that i probably shouldn't even like seeing as how a lyric within it is "you'll be a bitch because you can". yet somehow, maybe it's the haunting lilt of the riff with its bluesy "ouch" of a bra strap tug. but there's just something about this song...
somebody help me figure out what the hell it is!
they are stars colliding with astronauts
drinks that form entrees
blankets that snuggle you before you need them
i am writing this novel backwards
and i love what its doing to my brain.
i took the last chip. i knew they'd notice. they'd glare. looked like their mouths were full to me though. truth is...they had it coming. they'd been giving me shit for years. "how's those sandwiches?" i knew they wouldn't answer. just nodded with those same full mouths. no strong belief in napkin use, apparently. their chins were spattered with lord knows what. they still didn't even know that they were eating Princess. i sucked on an ice cube and spit it out.
-written at 12 something am, by s zentz and g robinson
(the characters and situations in this story are fictional and any resemblance to any actual persons or situations should be regarded as mere coincedence)
the world shimmers and glows as we turn it around and look at it from different angles.
we laugh sometimes, as if to say, "oh. yeah. we totally had the answer to this one years ago"
but the truth is
we are new to every outline
to every crease in a forehead
to every bed pressed wrinkle in an arm
and we are loving the journey
because it is all that matters.
our joy along the way
is matched by the number of friends who have requested postcards.
we will send them out from each town we stop in.
iron and wine wrote this pretty little ditty called sleeping diagonally:
"Somehow when you laid here by my side
Somethin’ whispered words like rain is falling
Heavy, and she hated, loved to fight
Someone from the sun-cracked sidewalk calling out, “Yoo-hoo”
“Hey, uh huh”
Sometime I may trade this bone-tired fist
Somewhere I’ll remove this mattress lying
Heavy as a healing word and wind
Someone from the sun-cracked sidewalk calling out, “Yoo-hoo”
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